What a rollercoaster. Do you know, I was sure I'd be writing about how great things were right now. This time last week I felt pretty good. Confident that I was moving forward and starting the embrace life again. I probably should have written something then. But I am having a bad day and I... Continue Reading →
What is babyloss doing to my head today?
To those who don't understand, turn away now as you won't like this. Hurt Anger Jealousy Bitterness Guilt Pain Unjust Darkness Jealousy Bitterness Guilt Guilt Hate Guilt Guilt Guilt Guilt... The pregnant woman on the train The one passing me by on the street The one on social media The one in my workplace Me.... Continue Reading →
The most prolific education I’ve ever had
My first day at my new school was filled with sadness, emptiness, and the demonstrable primal need for human kindness and empathy. I had a lot to learn. Lesson 1. There are very good people out there. Friends and family, those who have experienced similar and those who have not. A bunch of flowers arrived for... Continue Reading →
Giving up is an option
In my entire life so far, I have never needed any kind of official therapy. Never been through anything traumatic enough. Actually, I am lying, I had a small bout of CBT after a break-up. Back then, in 2011 (or was it 2012?) I thought my whole world had fallen apart, mainly because said charming... Continue Reading →
When grief pushes away the few good things you have left.
SANDS Babies and children's memorial garden I wrote and published a piece of writing the other day. But I deleted it. The thing is, I know how tiresome it is to read such darkness. I kept reading it back to myself and, as much as it came directly from my heart, which is where this... Continue Reading →
I Cry
This poem was written by one of the three most wonderful people in my life. The person who has stuck by me, day in and day out, through the most challenging and painful experience I could ever imagine. Stuart Hollands. Someone who, despite the tremendous strain this experience has put on us as a couple,... Continue Reading →
Today, my darling girl, I am going to fight.
Today marks a momentous event. A bill has been introduced to provide parents with a certificate when their baby has died, regardless if the loss was before or after 20 weeks. I cannot even begin to tell you how thrilled I am to hear this. Such a positive step towards breaking the taboo of... Continue Reading →
One big leap forward….
I haven't written for a while now. At least, not in the consistency I was previously. The reason being, I had finally seemed to turn a massive corner. I didn't need to write. I felt good. In fact, I had fully intended to write a positive piece about how much better things were. I still... Continue Reading →
Hello, I am Veruca Salt. Pleased to meet you.
There is a child tantrumming in my head today. Today I want to scream and cry and stamp my feet and tell the world that IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR. A year ago we lost our second baby. This time it was so early on that the news hadn't totally sunk in yet. We were embarking... Continue Reading →
Sapphire in Her Mind 
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