Navigating life after loss was never going to be easy. Navigating life after loss after loss after loss wasn't going to be easy either. We are now a good 3.5 years into this world, tainted by the extraction of innocence. Looking out through an impenetrable glass window at the world I used to belong to.... Continue Reading →
Three years today
It was such a strange time. One minute I was happily me, then next I was gone. I could describe it as an out of body experience. I know I didn't feel like it was happening to me at all. That day changed me forever. Not only was I mourning the death of our baby... Continue Reading →
Surgical Management of Miscarriage: Take two (and gaining a gold card membership in babyloss)
The past six weeks.... Have been a mix of pure elation and extreme anxiety. I have kept my head down on social media for fear of blurting out something that we had to keep to ourselves for as long as possible. On the 19th October something happened that I had convinced myself wouldn't, for whatever... Continue Reading →
An apology…
It has been brought to my attention that I have been a very shit friend, and girlfriend, the past 2.5 years. I don't want to fill this post with excuses. I know I have been so consumed in my grief that I have been completely unable to see out. I guess we are not given... Continue Reading →
I can see a rainbow….
I've had this tab open in my browser with the above title for four days now. I have no idea how to begin but I have a huge urge to write. Okay. I'm going to begin by saying I am happy (though that doesn't seem like a strong enough word). Not the happy I... Continue Reading →
Here we go again…
A fresh influx of pregnancies. Like buses. They come in droves. Only you don't wait so long between droves. It is pretty much a constant stream. I guess it is the dangers of social media. And being 38. A time when your social circles have babies deliberatly, not the surprises that come when you're in... Continue Reading →
Hey, how are you!?
Hey! I'm fine thanks (lies), how are you? Seriously, what is it with that question that makes us reply with our ridiculous default? I always say I'm fine, when in actual fact I am not at all fine. Still hurting and still raw after two years. Still no baby for me to cuddle and kiss... Continue Reading →
Two years later
What a rollercoaster. Do you know, I was sure I'd be writing about how great things were right now. This time last week I felt pretty good. Confident that I was moving forward and starting the embrace life again. I probably should have written something then. But I am having a bad day and I... Continue Reading →
What is babyloss doing to my head today?
To those who don't understand, turn away now as you won't like this. Hurt Anger Jealousy Bitterness Guilt Pain Unjust Darkness Jealousy Bitterness Guilt Guilt Hate Guilt Guilt Guilt Guilt... The pregnant woman on the train The one passing me by on the street The one on social media The one in my workplace Me.... Continue Reading →
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