It has been brought to my attention that I have been a very shit friend, and girlfriend, the past 2.5 years.
I don’t want to fill this post with excuses. I know I have been so consumed in my grief that I have been completely unable to see out. I guess we are not given a manual when we experience real life horror. We just have to make our way through each day in the best way we can, and I failed at that. I thought that I had been doing my best, but it wasn’t good enough and I am truly very sorry.
Now I am out of the fog, I can see that. But it took a major set back for me to see that. One Bad Day escalated into something it needn’t be. I confided my feelings as I usually do, but found out that it was just too much. You, my friends, understandably, do not want to hear it anymore and I have not given enough of myself.
I found out that I haven’t been mindful of your lives and how you are doing. This really shook me. I realised that no matter how many times I have asked about your lives and involved myself in your issues, and even offered advice when it was asked for, it has not been quite good enough. Perhaps it didn’t seem sincere, I don’t know. But the fact remains that it just was not good enough.
From now on I will be putting even more effort into making sure you are well and okay. I cannot give you Molly back, she has gone forever, but I can make this new version of me a better version.
I’ve experienced a great deal of learning on this journey. Mainly, you lot, my true friends, the ones who have been so kind, the ones who have listened and been a shoulder to cry on, offered no judgement, have kept your opinions to yourself all this time (I mean, wow, you are brilliant!), and have just been there. Thank you.
From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
You’re all bloody troopers and deserve a medal.
Now it is my turn to return the favour…