Where am I?

Imagine you’re walking through a busy city you’ve not been to before but it feels oddly familiar.

You’re ambling along enjoying the scenery and happily discovering new and exciting things around you. Things you think you’ve seen before but haven’t.

You stop now and again to take a photo of something that’s caught your eye and smile as the feeling of this new city takes hold of you.

Its warm and there seems to be so much joy in the air.

You keep smiling. Grinning. You feel like you belong.

There’s a beautiful feeling of comfort and excitement.

You take a deep breath in to take in the love of the city you’re feeling all around you.

This is right

This is home.

You stop to talk to some people and share your experience of the city and find out they are new too and also excited to be there.

It starts raining a little. Nothing much. but then it starts to get really cold all of a sudden. You look around you and everyone has gone. All those people. Where are they?

You realise you walked so far that you’re lost. You haven’t been paying attention. you’ve just been aimlessly walking.

You’ve entered an end of town that feels uncomfortable and you feel frightened.

You look back and can see clear skies behind you, a bit of colour in the sky.

Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet…

You’re desperate to turn back. All of your natural instincts tell you to turn back. Back to that place of love and warmth, but you can’t. You’re being pulled towards the cold.

You’ve no choice but to keep going. Every time you try to turn back, a gust of wind pushes you the other way.

You keep going forward. You have no idea where you are, or where you are heading, but it is most definitely the wrong way. You’re nervous and feel sick. The skies behind you call you back.

You can almost hear all the people having fun in the distance. You can imagine them looking up at those colours which look so magnificent from where they are.

You can’t see the colours very well now. They are fading the further away you get. Almost out of sight.

Please come back.

Please let me go back.

You keep going forward. Uncertain.

You’re completely lost and have no choice but to keep going and hope for the best.

You keep looking up for clear skies but there is nothing but dark clouds and the city has turned into a wood. You look really hard. So hard your eyes hurt and your head starts throbbing.

You’re exhausted so you find a place to lie down. After struggling to fall asleep you finally drift off. You’re back in that beautiful city. That rainbow glowing bright above your head. You’re smiling and feel cosy warm again. Everyone is laughing and you feel like your heart could explode with relief.

But you’re suddenly brutally jolted out of that relief and warmth, and wake up shivering.

You look back and the rainbow has vanished. You look up and the sky is a dark dark grey.  So very dark. You look forward and you see nothing but more and more trees and an unkempt pathway. It looks like it hasn’t been used for a very long time and you know in your heart it is the wrong way but you keep going. Tripping over the fallen branches and walking into thorns, your legs scratched up and bleeding.

Now and again you walk into a sticking out bit of tree trunk which winds you and takes your breath away.

You long for the clear skies above the darkness to shine through.

You know it is there, which brings you slight comfort on this unknown journey. It is the one thing keeping you from giving up. That would be easy to do right?

You don’t want to go forwards and you physically cannot turn back, so you should give up.  Let the ground swallow you whole. But you know in your heart you can’t do that. You have people who need you on the other side. The very people pushing you to move forwards in an unknown direction.

They need you and you need them, so they must be right. Right?

So you keep going. But all you want to do is lie down and fall asleep so that you can go back to the warm, back to the comfort and feeling of safety and relief. But most importantly, back to those colours lighting up the sky above you. Why can’t the people who you need meet you back there? Where you need to be? At home.

You can turn back, you can fight it. but you know you’ll get lost further, you won’t find your way back home on your own, and you would very much be on your own.

Or you can keep going in the wrong direction.

But maybe it isn’t wrong. Maybe it is different. Maybe it feels wrong because you haven’t chosen to go this way. You’re going against your natural desires and needs. Maybe it is time to stop listening to your heart and your gut. Maybe it is time to just trust the people pulling you.

What’s the worst that could happen when the worst has already happened?

So you keep going.

One foot in front of the other.

Slowly. Nervously. Anxiously. Reluctantly. Apprehensively.

Secretly hoping that you stumble across a secret door back home.

Back to that rainbow with everyone else. That warm and comforting place that you go to in your dreams.

 

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